No Missing Puzzle Piece

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Disclaimer: I am about to spit some serious truth here so if you’re a pansy who can’t handle the truth please feel free to #swerve. As for the brave souls who can handle the harsh reality that is life and love please continue reading…

The Advice:

When I was 15 my older brother, 11 years my senior, unknowingly gave me the best relationship advice to date. He told me what I hope every teenage girl and every young woman realizes before it’s too late. He explained to me that I need to be whole on my own before I would be truly ready to settle down. He said that if I was incomplete and seeking a relationship for the sake of completing myself (which, at that age, is what many young girls are doing) that I would never truly be whole or independent on my own. He brought to light a valid point, what if things end with that person? I would be so lost and confused, incomplete. I think we forget that we should not be with someone for the sake of being with someone to complete us. Instead we need to be whole on your own and find someone who compliments us… So, sorry Katy Perry, I don’t want my missing puzzle piece. I want to already be complete.

As the journey to finding myself continues I am growing and learning the relevance of the advice my brother gave me nearly ten years ago. I am also realizing, with the help of some candid conversations with friends (many of them guys) that there’s a desire by men to feel needed. This is not to be confused with feeling respected. Mutual respect, to me, is one of the most important aspects in a relationship and I hope that if a man (or a woman) don’t feel respected that they opt out instead of being miserable. I could see it being hard to walk away from someone if you feel that they complete you. And in turn, sticking it out in a relationship which lacks respect. And without respect, love will not flourish. Allegedly some guys tend to want to be with someone who depends on them, someone who needs them. I’ve concluded that this is some type of awful ego thing. What’s wrong with being with a woman who wants you rather than needs you? I can only assume that is some kind of insecurity plaguing society. You know what fellas? There is absolutely no problem with wifey making more money than you. Chances are the reason she does is because you got a late start to your career because you were still trying to find yourself. Instead of taking it as a stab at your manhood take it as incentive to further your career (or make her stay home with the kids and cook for you and then you won’t have this dilemma). But seriously. It’s 2014, I understand our parents and grandparents having an issue with this but in this day and age that kind of stuff should be irrelevant. I am using monetary examples above but this dependency goes way beyond that. Another example is feeling the need to always have someone to call, text, consult with for decisions both large and small. You should be secure with yourself enough to not always needs someone there for you. For the sake of keeping this as short as possible I didn’t want to list all the examples, but you get my drift, right? If not, just stop reading because the rest of this may just confuse you.

Please don’t take this as a bashing post towards men. I am told that I come off as a man-hater. Public Service Announcement: I am not a man hater. I have a lot of men in my life I really admire. Like my dad, my 11 year old nephew, my brothers and brother in laws just to name a few. To be honest, I really think females are just as guilty of feeding into this dynamic as men are guilty of what I’m coining as an “insecurity complex”. Girl. Stop being such a damn princess. Seriously. Stop. It’s not cute. Do you really need a man to buy you everything and open the car door for you? You can’t do it yourself? You can. I believe in you. Hey, don’t get me wrong. I am all about chivalry but there is a difference between needing a man to buy you everything you have and wanting to feel appreciated. I don’t mind being treated like the princess (that I am). But I am also capable of fending for myself because mama didn’t raise no fool. I can pay my bills, replace my brakes and cook a mean meal. But if a man wants to do that all for me, by all means, he can be my guest. Just let it be known that I don’t need him to. Again, mutual respect and understanding, that’s all I’m seeking here.

Next matter of discussion. Ladies, please don’t dumb yourself down and please don’t settle. Just because it seems that everyone around you is getting engaged/married/knocked up doesn’t mean there is a race to the finish line. Newsflash: there is no finish line. We are all in our own race. Against ourselves. We should only be in a competition with the person we were yesterday. Compete to be a better you. Let destiny take its course and have faith that everything happens in due time. (You should also acknowledge that not everyone gets married so it may be wise to seek the companionship of some cats just in case).

Now, riddle me this. Is it so wrong to seek intellectual conversation with someone who is confident and secure in themselves? Is it wrong to be emotionally and mentally developed before plunging into a relationship with someone and spending the rest of your lives together? Marriage is emotionally exhausting, financially stressful and requires selflessness. I only know these things because all my married friends remind me of them and because I see it in the relationships around me. I find nothing wrong with being in a relationship and growing together I just know that’s not what I want right now. Marriage is a big deal and I hope to get it right the first time.

This is me on my birthday. Not needing anyone to help me devour this delicious crepe but wanting them to so I don't regret it.

This is me on my birthday. Not needing anyone to help me devour this delicious dolce de leche crepe but wanting them to so I don’t regret it.

 

Don’t forget to share on social media, follow this blog and take the silly poll! Follow me on Instagram for a constant feed into my life: @Hodagram

Xx H

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Reflections: Memories vs Money

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I want everyone to know a really important piece of information that I think we may have lost sight of. All the wealth, all the possessions and all the property we make and own in this world will not follow us to our final resting place. Once we are put in a box, placed in the ground and covered in dirt it will not matter how much we made, what we bought or where we lived.

There are some things we can take with us though. Our good deeds. And then there are the memories we will leave behind for others to reflect on. So you better make sure you leave some damn good memories with those you surround yourself with.

I am realizing lately that I am guilty of chasing this life. I remember being in college, looking into jobs and refusing to work at a company that wasn’t a household name. If it wasn’t fortune-500 I would overlook it. Thinking that I would be insignificant if I didn’t make enough money to buy my dream car as soon as I graduated. Thinking that if I didn’t get a raise every year and a bonus that it would not all be worthwhile. I am convinced this is something I picked up from society and by being surrounded by people who didn’t realize what the purpose of life on this earth was all about.

When I reflect on my childhood and how my parents raised my siblings and I, I am proud to say that material things, money and wealth were not my parents priorities. Instead, my parents enriched us with the remembrance of God, with wealth in the knowledge of the lives of the Prophets and with an abundance of love and respect. They loved us enough to nurture and guide us but respected us enough to allow us to make our own decisions, our own mistakes that ultimately shaped our character and made us the people we are today. I realize now how important these things really are and that everything else in life is simply an added bonus.

As I grow up, quickly approaching my 24th year on this earth I am learning to reflect more and prioritize the things that matter to me most. With the loss of those near and dear to my heart, both young and old, I am constantly reminded how quickly life on this earth goes by. That the time I spend with others should only be in a positive environment. I am wasting less and less time doing things I hate and more time doing the things that help me grow as a person. I am learning that the life we lead here is but a moment’s time in the grand scheme of things. That I am only on this earth as a servant of God and that what I do here will ultimately lead to where I spend the rest of eternity, and personally, I am seeking to spend eternity in light, not in darkness.

And so I am realizing more and more that the importance of making memories exceeds the importance of making money. I am of course, typing this at my nice desk, on a nice laptop etc. I’m not saying to give up everything nice you have, quit your job and focus on making good memories and pleasing God. What I am trying to say that it is extremely important to be humble, live in moderation. Realize that we are simply visitors of this earth and to stop taking for granted all the blessings we have.

With all this being said. Make sure you save 20% of your income. My wise accountant told me this, at the end of the day you need financial security in case of emergencies (Gucci bags are not an emergency).

A few weeks ago while out with friends someone blurted something out that made so much sense to me. She said “we really don’t live within our means”. I am realizing that there’s a huge problem with society and my generation in general. We bury ourselves in unnecessary debt to get things we really don’t need (your college education is something you need so don’t feel bad about your student loan). So, friends, I leave you with the wise words of my pseudo-older sister.. “Live within your means”. If you can’t pay it off at the end of the month then your a$$ can’t have it. #Dassit.

making memories with my silly sis <3

making memories with my silly sis ❤

Don’t forget to share on social media, follow this blog and take the silly poll! Follow me on Instagram for a constant feed into my life: @Hodagram

Xx H