Reflections

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Self Acceptance Vs Self Love

It’s always the 8am Monday morning conversations that get me to really reflect on everything I know about life. One of my closest friends told me that she came to the realization that she is the only person who really cares about herself. She reflected on the fact that if you don’t truly love yourself you’re screwed because nobody else will look out for you otherwise. I was not about to lie and tell her I do care about her more than she cares about herself, because let’s be honest, her mother probably cares more about her than I do or ever will. I am almost positive that in one of my previous posts I wrote about the importance of loving yourself first before allowing or being ready for anyone else to love you. Just a few months ago I was positive I had life and love figured out. I realize now that the idea of self-love is overly simplified when in fact it’s the most complicated thing we can do. I felt I had to disagree with her comment and rethink the statement I made previously.

Due to a series of events the past several weeks I have had way more time than I am comfortable with to really think about this romanticized idea of self-love. I have had so much time to reflect on self-love and happiness in general. And you know what I discovered? It takes a hell of a lot of energy to love yourself. Because, you know what? You are not perfect. Self-love requires a lot of hard work and mental maturity. What I have realized is that instead it’s more importance to realize self-acceptance. I think we should focus on accepting ourselves, flaws and all. Accepting that some things are beyond our control. To stop being so damn hard on ourselves and to stop setting these unrealistic expectations and deadlines in life. Love is just way too big of a commitment to make, even to myself. I mean, the truth is, I will never have the perfect skin, the perfect waistline, the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect mind or even the perfect soul. Realizing that you are who you are and accepting it, always working toward a better you is the healthiest way to feel content. As always, this is just my humble opinion.

Oh, and one more thing on this… I think it’s also really important to surround yourself with people who you can be your authentic self around. Find people who accept you just the way you are. Surround yourself by those who you don’t have to change yourself to be around. Take off that mask of happiness and perfection and just be you. I realized that I just spent a few months being who everyone around me expected me to be. I almost started losing touch with who I was and the things I truly value. This post is more of a reminder to myself, a reminder to “check myself before I wreck myself”. Speaking of changing…

Changing Vs Growing

In 8th grade a friend wrote in my yearbook a long note and at the end it said: “don’t ever change, you’re golden”. I remember going through my yearbook one summer during college, reading that and thinking how silly it was. Of course I was going to change, life is hard and circumstances more or less make us change. What I realize now is that I was confusing growing with changing. More on this in a sec, I just have to share another story first that will help this all make a little more sense.

For as long as I could remember every time my father did something that bothered my mom she would say the same thing, I can’t change him now, he’s too old, it’s who he is. For example, my dad will literally ask the same question, multiple times, to multiple people in different ways. Why? Just because that’s how he works and he will never change. I guess seeing this in my parent’s relationship always reminded me that I shouldn’t expect to go into a relationship, be it romantic or otherwise, expecting to change someone or expecting that person to change all on their own. People do not change. People grow. And so this means that you may grow apart, or it can mean you grow at the same pace and mature together and that can be such a beautiful, refreshing thing.

As always, I am writing this as a reminder to myself. Change due to growth is inevitable. I have never expected anyone to change for me only because I know I can’t reciprocate that. What I do expect however, is to grow, and as I grow the things that are important to me change.And if I allow myself to change for someone, instead of grow, grow into the person I am destined to be then I would be doing a dishonor to myself and those around me.

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Ps. I decided to make my Instagram profile private, thanks for all the love but I guess this is just another opportunity to grow for me. Perhaps “grow up” 😉

Xx H

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