Scandal

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Dear Readers,

I have no excuse. I haven’t posted a blog post in what feels like eternity (five months, but who’s counting?). This is partially because I was busy #livin #travelin #datin #hatin etc. Also, I happened to have major surgery and I also changed careers. I guess you can say I had more on my plate than usual and while blogging was on my mind I seemed to have lost my passion and my muse, partially due to the fact that I was pretty unhappy for what felt like several months. Completely out of my character if you know me on a personal level. 

Anyhow- I am done with excuses. Time to get down to business.

There are two things I have been wanting to post about:

  1. My life crisis at approaching 25 years on this earth (what and how did this happen)
  2. My (mostly) online dating experiences *gasp* 

I am going to get a lot of heat, some eye-rolling and unwarranted comments about the fact that I am going to put my “dating life” or rather, lack thereof out in the open. But you know what? The dating scene for Muslims in America is actually, for a lack of better words: hilarious. A long string of descriptive words also come to mind, it is: pathetic, unreasonable, extremely difficult.. and well, you get the hint. It more or less sucks. The list goes on and on. 

I often talk to my married friends and those in committed relationships about how difficult it is to meet people. Let alone, meet someone who will eventually be your life partner, especially when my pool is limited to Muslims with intellect and ambition. I mean, I spend most of my time at work, at the gym or with my same group of friends. The odds of me finding a significant other in any of these scenarios is more or less slim to none. I am actually perfectly okay with that, I accepted, probably sometime in college, that I was not going to end up with anyone I already knew. I just wasn’t really into anyone I was hanging out with, perhaps because I knew too much about them and didn’t see myself with them for well, umentionable reasons.  Which is why I started to dabble in online dating. It just made sense to me. If my single-Muslim friends and I weren’t meeting people then naturally, there had to be other single-Muslim people out there looking as well. 

I wanted to really stress something here. If you are going to take away anything from what I’ve written in this post it’s the following: Online dating is not dirty, shameful and it certainly does not make you “desperate”. Actually, you know what it makes you? Human. Let me say that again. Online dating makes you human. You are simply putting yourself out there to meet someone because naturally, you want a companion to share your life with. It’s human nature. 

From experience, let me tell you something about online dating: Most of the people you talk to will be a bust, you may not even have anything to talk about. Some people you will have some really great intellectual conversations with, others you may even go on a few dates with, you may even, wait for it.. Befriend some of the people you meet and keep in touch. You may even seek out relationship advice from them. That is normal. You are normal, stop hiding it. You know why you should stop hiding it? Because I probably saw you on multiple platforms. Joking. Partially.. I can’t tell you how many of my friends from high school, college or just acquaintances I’ve chatted with. We mostly joke around about it, but other times, more often than not, we end up venting about how hard it really is to meet someone. In other words, we are facing, living, breathing the same dilemma. 

I started this blog initially so I could document the encounters I had with Muslim men, potential love interests I suppose. I then felt a nag of guilt. Why am I airing out my dirty laundry and the dirty laundry of others. Only recently did I come to a realization. And that realization is this: everybody is doing it, most people are hiding it and most importantly: I don’t give a shit. It’s no secret. Yes, I am “dating” in the Muslim sense of the term, I feel like instead of gossiping about that, people should be more concerned if I wasn’t. I mean, like, am I a lesbian? Do I not want to get married? (not that there is anything wrong with either of those things, #lesbihonest here, it’s 2015, anything is damn well possible). Also, most of my stories are pretty hilarious if I do say so myself. I feel like every time I talk to a friend about a certain scenario they can recount an almost identical situation (sometimes it’s even the same guy at the subject of our stories- I am not joking). 

So, friends, social media acquaintances, I am officially going to share with you these encounters. I hope they make you giggle, make you shake your head, give you hope (that you won’t end up a crazy cat lady) and most importantly, I hope they give you courage to put yourself out there. I promise, you will meet some incredible people. Quit being a pansy. 

Much love,

XxH  

 

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